Never Ending Void
by wrecked
Summary: [Sequel to Sakura Blossoms] Hatred, sorrow, vengeance, defeat, [only those who last the longest will win] It seems that wars can last longer than the ones who started them.
1. Prologue

Author: Reality Is

Title: Never Ending Void (I'll be calling it NEV most of the time cause I'm lazeh)

Disclaimer: I own diddlehy squat. Meaning I own nothing but Anissa, Kayane, their parents, Shi, Kara No, Kuroi, Korosu, Shizuka Na, Hitori De, and whoever the hell you may not recognize that may be a part of it. Shuyin, and Tengaki are the wonderful creation of Anissa's. But, wait! I don't own Shugo, Rena, or Balmung, nor do I make any profit off of them in any way! Mirelle, Ouka, Reki, and other mentions I might make occasionally for the hellabit are not my own to call and they are once more something I make absolutely no profit off of.

Rating: R for coarse language, violence, mature themes, psychological depression and adult moments.

Pairing: Same as in Sakura Blossoms but more strongly, I guess you could say.

Takes-Place: About two months after Chapter 11 of Sakura Blossoms, and two weeks before the Epilogue of Sakura Blossoms.

Summary: Betrayal has left them angry, confused, and with a thirst for revenge. A loss has left him bitter and desperate, seeking to no end to find a way to regain who's no longer there. The absence of a woman that had watched over them has left them all without a lead to keep them from falling apart and breaking down for fear of demoting themselves in one's suspiciously wise eyes which belong to the very one that they miss. In a sudden uprising, an enemy seeks to put an end to a killer many are addicted to and love… And thus begins the destruction of The World.

Note: The title may be subject to change still. I am pretty satisfied with the title, as of now, but my mind may decide on another. Bear with me if I do make a change.

**Also,**I am thinking about making an attempt to write the whole of NEV in first person view with every chapter being a different point of view for each person. It will be difficult but a challenge which I crave and will possibly end up producing much more of NEV chapter wise and word wise, meaning more to read and more for me to brag and boast about to my friends (we compete sometimes to see who writes the most and who is most original). Tell me if I should continue with chapter 1 of NEV in 1st person POV, or 3rd Person POV. Your feed back will be extremely appreciated.

* * *

-Prologue-

It's always been heard, said, and thought, that whenever waking up from an involuntary sleep, most likely a long one, you would feel unrested. With a loss of memory of how everything happened, and a certain numbness that is neither calming nor unsettling, as if some components in the mind just began to deteriorate.

Nothing makes sense, everything is a haze, and you're just thoughtless; looking around without the knowledge or instinct to move, say something, or to even panic when panicking is the more reasonable and likely choice at hand.

You're mouth goes dry, eyes aren't solidly open, but fully aware, you don't hear anything, not even the sound of your breathing or the sound of your heartbeat, and then, suddenly, everything snaps in your mind about your location.

The white walls, thin clothing, needle in the back of the hand, total silence except for the abrupt and haunting beeping of a heart monitor.

You're in a hospital, something that's all too familiar to you subconsciously but unfamiliar, as well. You don't remember going to a hospital many times at all, yet you know you've been there over more times during your childhood more than you can count on three pairs of hands.

Memory of the actual word 'comatose', along with the meaning, and names of colors suddenly pop up in your brain. Black, red, silver, yellow, blue, green, all of them suddenly are reinserted into your vocabulary.

You barely remember all the people you knew, all the people you disliked, all your mistakes, all the achievements made in life, and all the people that you've helped and that you've hurt. Family, friends, those you liked, everything.

All except the certain events that led up to being how you got there.

How you're sitting up in the white, discomfortingly sterile bed of a hospital, apparently late at night. The green light of the heart monitor is the only thing illuminating anything in the room yet the pulsing still regular, and without a change. Not fazed at all.

The only thing that comes up when focused upon in the mind is a flash of silver metal then a lurching of the stomach, where it hurts more than the consistent ache of your bones. Then the mental image of clear glass, shattered, broken, small and sharp occupies your thoughts.

Nothing makes sense and, for some reason, you know that there's a reason. One that will give you at least a small sudden sting of guilt in your heart and sudden worry. Maybe it's the cold fact that no one is with you, or the numb, unresponsive feeling of seeing the time '3:02' on a digital clock with the date 'November 30' underneath it. Or, possibly, the barely noticeable (but noticeable enough) amount of dust and perfection of the room and the visiting benches; or maybe it's just the imagination and narcissism of wanting everything to be centered around you. Playing tricks, deciding to wait after all the selfish thoughts are through to remind you that it's a hospital. After all, hardly anyone in your family, including yourself, is fond of visit or staying in a hospital.

Or maybe it's the subconscious thought, deep in the unawares of the mind, and the forgotten (but stirred) knowledge and memory that _something_ is wrong. Maybe instinct, sixth-sense, and other needless names for the feeling of supernatural origins.

Then, in the midst of thinking, you wonder _Why the hell am I just sitting here? Why am I not calling to tell anyone I am awake?._

But you still don't know. Nor do you care, so you just continue with the painless, numb train of thought leading only to rhetorical thoughts and phrases, or lines. One that would only end up to be called metaphors -- both incorrectly and correctly at times.

Thinking, and thinking, and thinking; almost to the point where your throat is tightening as if ready to let out a frustrated cry of sorts. Or a question to no one except the subconscious in the back of your mind and whoever might be in hearing range. If there is anyone. But you hold it back for it just isn't you and doesn't seem very practical to do, and instead start to wonder why nothing but the color 'Red' comes up in your mind.

Red.

And Anger. Hate. Love. Roses. Ribbons. Dresses. Dangerous skies, blood, apples, cherries, strawberries, pain, stop, alert, danger, what purpose does red have?

Because at that moment, it's just red.

Only red, as anger swells up inside of you -- fear along with it -- when you're suddenly angry for something you can't consciously remember but know you should be angry. Angry as hell, but more so worried. Red, all around the edges of your sight and yet the contradicting and complimentary lime green light of the heart monitor is still visible and blinking, causing a few spots of stars in the rim of your vision with its consistency.

A cloud, of gray, silver, red, black, gold, all colors of some forgotten importance, forged together to form the shape, shrouds around your mind. You suddenly think _This isn't a dream _because you can feel the needle shifting slightly in your hand as you lift your entire arm for examination and the tightness of the bandage wrapped around your head. Undoubtedly for some certain area of damage that you care not enough about to even begin wondering about when other thoughts begin to fight and push to the surface.

Wondering thoughts begin to fill your mind. _Why isn't the heart monitor jumping rapidly?_ or J_ust where the fuck is this? Which hospital?_ and most importantly _Where the fuck is everyone else?_, despite the earlier thought and remembrance that hospitals are highly disliked in every corner of your family.

And the flat, sudden, and unexpected slam of _Why the fuck is your mind talking in second person to yourself when it normally strays from that manner of thinking?_

Then I remember. It's a personal psychological effect of waking from a deep sleep. An effective, and involuntary way to arrange my thoughts correctly. It was created into a habit from when I was a child. Prolonged, involuntary sleeps were not uncommon for me when I was a child. The memory and cause of my current condition strikes me harder than probably anything else I've been struck with. Possibly out of all the physical, mental, and emotional times altogether.

Korosu -- an enemy -- slamming a blade, an ax to be more specific, into my stomach in a virtual reality. I remember the screen changing to the blackness of 'Game Over' in the middle, myself whispering a curse, and the sudden surprise (and utter scare) of the sound of something shattering. Into countless pieces. All coming at me, and moving through the air in an almost muted swish of air.

Pain in the face and the hands as somethings that were sharp pierced the skins, the dull ring as the floor meets with the back of my head a split moment later and the agonizing feeling in the lungs, heart and stomach as an asthma attack decides to strike while my nerves seem to think that an ax actually entered my stomach.

The image of seeing the world spin as I rolled over onto my stomach and pushed myself up off the floor. I started examining the almost horrifying sight of my hands that literally looked as if I'd taken a razor, slashed at them savagely, and began peeling the rest of the skin off. The memory flashed by in my mind quickly and made me shift my eyes in the present to my palms and look at what was left of them.

Just scars.

The flesh was still pink and sensitive, which meant they would last awhile before finally fading, if they ever would.

Recurring thoughts -- the desensitized sensation of feeling a warm liquid seep around from somewhere on the side of my head to my brow. Only to drip on the clean skin on the back of my hand -- hearing a discomfortingly familiar voice in memory, though slightly distorted by the effect of shock and a buzz, call my name in a command. From some memory I was experiencing through the moment of being on the ground.

And the subconscious fear, when I was in a shock and loosing a battle fought to simply stay awake that never existed, of to whomever the voice belonged.

All of it.

Then all of the memories come to a halt after the ring of hitting the floor (most likely headfirst) as wills and strength disappear. The buzz mixes in with the ring loudly along with the comfortingly familiar voice of someone younger than me saying my name, nickname, three times. Being frantically told to wake up. Come back to consciousness and to not leave her. And then the sudden, slight jerk of the shoulders as she shakes me then the loud, unnecessary comment on the blood. It only seemed to send my heart into an even worse panic and only worsen the asthma attack I was experiencing.

Then nothing.

Absolute nothing.

No dreams of hearing someone talking to me through the pitch black nothingness; no memory of having a hand take mine in my comatose state, as if the action would comfort and coax me out of the deep sleep. There was no memory of hearing a chair slide up to the side of the bed and nothing of hearing two or more people try and make idle conversation as they waited and just... waited.

The only feeling I remember was that someone came into the room almost periodically. Maybe once every other week. Just to stand there and watch for ten minutes; no tears, talking, no touch, no trace he or she's presence. Nothing, except for an uneasy gaze.

The blinking of the heart monitor draws my attention once more, and I turn, only to lose my concentration on the flashing light. My eyes were drawn to the sight of the time and date once more, coming to the realization that two months have gone by. Two months since before darkness became the last thing remembered.

Two months.

_Oh, fuck,_ "Two god damned months."

And then all reason vanishes as the door opens and I'm what would be called as uncommunicative as a woman in white stares at me as if I'm transparent for a moment then suddenly reverts into panic and says, "Fuck," repeatedly.

I don't blink. I don't move. I hardly even breathe; I slightly recognize the sound of my own voice as I suddenly speak in a rough, coarse, almost strained, and cold tone. "Profanity isn't very respective to patients."

She shuts up for a split two seconda and turns on her heel out the door. I could hear her mutter, "Awake from her utterly unresponsive condition," at least twice before she leaves my range of hearing.

And, strangely, all I still want to do is find some clothes and get out of the hospital. For I'm apparently breathing harder as I look around the room. I don't care if they want me in here for observation, check ups, questions, final touches on my wounds, whatever, I just want out. _Out_ of these walls of white that seem to be closing in on me. Not claustrophobia wise, but as if narrowing down to single something out, drop a bullet on me that I know will shatter my nerves. Whether anyone would seem to realize it. Or suddenly help me come to a certain realization that I even know consciously that I should be arriving to; should have already come to, along with the haunting silence of being alone. Force me to face a reality that, somehow, I know I don't want.

The emptiness and loneliness I feel is almost suffocating. My desire to hear someone's voice that I know and love nearly rises to the surface beside the need to find out what the hell had happened while I was, for lack of a better term, gone. I need to know only one thing over everything -- including wanting to know what happened to Shi, Kara No, Kuroi.

Are Anissa, Balmung, Rena, and Shugo alright…?

The absolute only thing, memory, sounds, that I can't remember, but don't know, is _that_ day and the voice I can't match with a face.

Kara No mentioning something about Silver and wind and black and seas; Shi telling me I could take down the reason many people were being rendered comatose; seeing the mysterious character Naunen; the Cnacehne; seeing Rena, Shugo, Tengaki and Balmung arrive in the dungeon as Anissa was the target for Korosu's ax; seeing them rush to _her_ -- not me -- after I rammed her with my shoulder and pushed her away with my hands both. Saving my sister, feely the slightest bit of relief of her being _alive, _even as pain coursed through my body. Even as I could have **sworn** I was about to die, I was in such pain.

Hardly being regarded except with stares and silence as I was fading. Shock registering in their faces, paralyzed.

Everything else is a blank. Except for the knowledge and feeling that I care for those five, and that, even before I was in coma, a part of my past was missing from my memories. Before it all started in 'The World', and before Anissa and I were torn apart. Forced to live in different homes. Before my mother left.

But right now, that faceless voice I imagined or remembered calling my name commandingly is the link. The cause. The reason behind _everything_, and my current state of feeling nothing. My current state of being worth nothing.

Yet somehow, I know that finding that voice and remembering to whom it belonged to will probably never happen. It will never come to me because whatever I'm feeling in the back of my mind is telling me that I'm searching for a memory, or an item, or a person that_ I_ _don't want to remember_. That I didn't want to remember even back then.

Something I no longer _wanted_ to be real to _me_.

* * *

There/Here is the first installment of NEV. 

It's killing me that it's so short, and I would make it longer, but then it feels as if I'm moving waayy too fast.  
A cookie or cake for whoever can guess who the narrator above is.  
Tell me what you though -- meaning _review, please.  
-_**realityis.**

-//-  
7/12/07  
revised. ikilledallthose runon sentences, for you guys.  
rehr.


	2. One Rememberance

Chapter Title: Chapter One -- Remembrance

Chapter Song: -_Song that inspired this chapter_- 'I Write Sins, Not Tragedies', by Panic! At the Disco

Chapter Word Count With Out the Author Note: 4395

With Author Note: 4617

Notes: Which POV do you think I should write in for Chapter Two? (1/2 means half a chapter, that I'm not to confident or good at them, and to choose another person to go with in the same chapter)

'_Candidates_' are:

_Alyssa/Kayane_, **Balmung**, Kara, _Shugo_, **Rena** **1/2**, Tengaki 1/2, _Kuroi 1/2_, **Shi 1/2**, Anissa

I have another person I will be doing a POV of but in later chapters due to the fact that he will not be introduced yet and I will need much time to get his POV to perfection judged by Sarah, who is the owner of the character.

* * *

I always knew. Just subconsciously, not directly in my mind. Always knew that there was something my sister kept from me that, regardless of how I would have reacted in response to, I should have known. And I guess that I knew what my sister was keeping from me too. But again, it was probably somewhere deep inside my subconscious mind. 

Either way, I _should _have known.

She should have told me.

That day, the one day after two weeks of not having a word on my sister's condition given to me, and I finally went in very briefly to see her, I about had a mental breakdown. I was terrified, destroyed by the sight of…of…_her_… That was all I could really say. The person by the name of _her_ just so happened to be my sister, my _sister_, Alyssa, but she hardly looked it in anyway anymore. Rail thin body, stringy black hair that used to look so soft and strong, bruises all over what I could see of her skin that originated from who knows what, bandages wrapped around her arms half way up past her elbow and around her forehead… She looked weak. Which was something Alyssa never was, not to me.

When I went with my father to get an update on her condition, it took all of my strength, will, rationality to not race back into the room, shake her awake, then murder her. I was absolutely sure that my father wanted to so the same damn thing, too.

"_Overly stressed, pulled muscle scars from just a month or so ago, bone fractures that seemed to be from landing on it wrong or something closing around it on both sides, strenuously worked body, unrested, undernourished, but…what really makes me wonder is strangely, her muscle all seem to be healthily flexible and there hardly seems to be a worry lack of fatty tissues in her body. She underweight by about five pounds, but nothing to be alarmed about."_

Sometimes, I wondered for hours about whether or not my sister actually knew about those 'things wrong' about her aside from the pulled muscles and fractures.

"_From past visits and stored information, I'm to the conclusion that possibly…this was maybe one of the final straws that her body could have taken, her mind especially. The asthma attack she experienced as well was obviously a big factor. All of these combined, it's strictly a miracle that's she's only in a come and still living. Granted, she's on life support, but it's merely a precaution to ensure her recovery. It really all depends on whether her body and her mind choose to awaken at some given point. My theory is just that everything all took it's toll and evidently was simply too much for her body and mind to take any longer…"_

As much as I knew it was technically true subconsciously, I didn't want to believe that, not at all, in any shape or form. Not that it was all because of her stubbornness, ignorance, and selflessness to not worry anyone. I wanted to hear that it was all completely Shi's fault, all his doing and all because of the fucked up plan his damned mind came up with, damn it! Shi's vassals all caused her to slip into a coma, he ordered Korosu to come after us, those ribbons, and literally force her body into a coma… It wasn't dad's fault or her own…

It just wasn't.

For not the first time, I was getting Deja vu just thinking about it; only I remembered why I was getting the feeling (although it technically wouldn't be called Deja Vu, anymore) and wished with all that I hoped that I was as wrong as hell and that my sister was too. That the both of us were wrong in every aspect…

"_Yeah, you're too nice, strong and smart for anyone to kill or hurt, Alyssa."_

I was twelve and Alyssa was fourteen. We'd been walking to the mall on foot because neither of us could drive, our dad was at work, and the mall was only about five miles away.

"_So, what?" Her hands shoved into the pocket of her jeans. "I'll be the death of me?"_

"_Yeah, exactly! That's the only way you'll die other than of old age, or sacrificing yourself for someone you love…"_

"_Guess I'll take that as a good thing, right?"_

"_Hell yeah! It means no one can ever fucking kill you intentionally and you're so damned indestructible except to yourself. Very, very good thing."_

"_Excessively swearing --"_

"_Sorry--"_

"_But all right, Anissa."_

Why did she do that? Why does she still do that? Alyssa treated me like nothing I ever did or said was wrong. That I'd never overreacted, threw tantrums, manipulated Alyssa with tears and pouts to make her get me, her little sister, something that I wanted but no one else would let me have. Hell, it was such a big habit that I still did it and I knew it still worked. I knew it did because I had half the stuff mom never would have even glanced at before denying me it.

Now, I wondered if tears would compel my favorite family member to open her eyes and come back to consciousness. If she could, she would and I knew that indefinitely. Everything had always been for me, because my sister was that caring and was that selfless, no matter what impression people first received of her.

Because she loves me unconditionally even though she might not say it, but I still know it. It's hard to not know it.

But, at that second, it'd been two months that she'd been comatose and no signs of awakening. The life support had long been gone but the needles, paleness, all of it was still there. The last three times I visited my dad's, I neglected purposely to visit the hospital because I know I'd have nightmare and be utterly uneasy. And… if she didn't wake up, I wouldn't have wanted the way I saw her in a visit be the last thing pictured of her afterwards. Alyssa wouldn't either, and it was not the real her; just an illusion created from all the equipment hooked up to her for mere precautions only.

That was what I told myself.

And as I logged into 'the World' at my mother's house, I planned to meet up with Shugo, Rena, and Tengaki as we scheduled and the three of us would wonder about where the hell Balmung was, for the millionth time. Three days prior to when we alerted him of Alyssa's condition, we hardly had word from him. Not once had I, the twins, or Tengaki seen him in or out of the World. My father told me that he'd been notified of a person matching Balmung's profile that visited Alyssa's room several times but only for a few minutes. Once, the length of a visit reached to almost an hour, no sound coming from the room like all other visits.

And, truth be told, I was the last person to doubt that it was definitely Balmung and I was _the_ first person to say that it was because Balmung loved my sister but wouldn't admit it, not even to himself. Neither of them seemed to be very open but I at least knew and expected my sister to try at least a little bit to care for somebody when she woke up. And she was going to wake up whether she liked it or not.

Walking from the Chaos Gate, Rena was at my side before I knew it and gave me a hug, much like the ones she'd suddenly been giving me for a month and a half now. I was grateful, don't get me, a young blonde, wrong, but it was tiring and only out of pity for me. The hugs weren't making it easier for me to cope with the absolute absence of me sister in anyway, though, which was biggest bother. All it ever did was make me feel like a charity case and remind me of my sister. I t was hard enough to push Alyssa to the back of my own mind already and I didn't need the extra reminder, either.

"Hey, Anissa. Tengaki still is on his way, but he'll be here soon. Not a word on Balmung though. How about from the hospital on whether he's visited her again like before?"

"Nah, haven't gone to the hospital in over a month. No calls or any words from dad, either. He's too busy and doesn't like hospitals, at all, like me, my mom, and Alyssa."

Rena sent my sour response a disappointed look and acknowledged the answer with a quiet 'Oh…', then hugged her arms glumly.

"All right. Won't she feel a bit unloved or whatever if you guys don't visit?"

I shook my head both inside and outside of virtual reality.

"No, she'd completely understand and prefer that we not go out of our ways to visit her in a place of discomfort and bad memories for the both of us."

Rena said 'oh' again and didn't even make an attempt to say anything else. She just seemed to space out, for whatever reason that I didn't know, and before long, I assumed that Rena left the computer, headset and controller in reality for her own reason. It wouldn't be the first time she'd done so to me without notice and for sure, it won't be the last time, for that matter. It's something I would guarantee and bet on any time, anywhere.

I decided to leave Rena's avatar to herself and began walking towards Shugo, who I could see in the distance. For a second, I could have sworn that I felt his depression and gloom through the game and wondered why the hell my sister's condition was still having such tremendous effect on Shugo when he hardly got along with the girl he so nicely called a bitch on several occasions. All because she 'had to be right' and so precise in a manner that Shugo had mistaken casual and concerned instead for haughtiness and snobbish, too, which was a reason I used to explain her actions despite how much I honestly resented the reason.

What topped it all off, however, was the fact that the ass refused to explain and admit to me about why the hell he was so fucking down. I was his best friend, for god's fucking sake! Being the ever mindless but very active in the talking section, if I do say so myself, I started off a conversation to him with a tension creating comment.

"Why won't you tell me?" I asked first thing, ignoring the height he had over me and ineffectively looked down my nose to him by lifting my head as far as I could. "Or do I still have to go with the idea that you might have had, or have, a crush on my sister and fume in utter jealously forever until you spill? And keep on fuming if I'm right?"

Mentioning the jealously factor hadn't been part of my little plan, but once I had said it, there wasn't any real denying it when it was your best friend who knew you like he knew his own name. Alyssa theorized that I kept talking after I said something unintentional because I didn't want to hear the bad or rejection and just talked to block any chance of the other person talking. Inevitably, after denying it for awhile and shoving it out of my mind, I actually ended up believing it.

It was sometimes unfair how she was rational and had reasonable explanations in five to fifteen seconds flat. Despite how much it was unfair because I couldn't produce the same results in more time, and how much it could have been undeniably handy, I can truly say I didn't envy or admire that ability, at least not for long. It would have meant I'd be too rational to not act without thought or on impulse when it could have counted the most. And… I just didn't, all right? I guess it would make my sister seem less incredible, and I love her the way she is.

"Jealousy?" Shugo said suddenly, looking surprised and not alarmed.

Good sign meaning he might like me in return, I hope? This is the moment that I pray that my hope is true, I thought dryly.

"You like me? Is that what you mean, Nissi?"

He used my nickname. Hell, was I turned into a puddle of fucking mush and drool, yet?

Fuck, I hope not.

To lie, or not to lie? Hmm, which would end out better? He knows me too well. Guess I'm not going to lie to him then… Well, oh fuck, then, my mind thought bitterly. I have interesting thought occasionally, so don't be too alarmed if random thoughts spurt out of my mouth.

"Yeah, if you haven't already figured it out yet. We've kissed; do you think it was just out of the sudden need for comfort when my sister was missing? I'm not one who gets totally desperate for someone to kiss and hold me when I worry or care about someone, Shugo."

Oops, I snapped. Oh well, he'll probably snap back at me, too. Alls fair in love and war -- if this is love and war anyways…

He narrowed his eyes at me. Not dangerously as if in anger, but instead as if incredulously. Maybe it was something that I said that hadn't made sense…?

"Why don't you use that argument on yourself and find out what else it might mean or signify," he muttered to me in a low tone.

Thinking, no. Don't want to think right now. So sorry. "Why don't you just tell me what else you seem to think it symbolizes? And tell me why the hell you're in the dumps, too, while you're at it."

He groaned and I suddenly got the impression that I was being a total bitch. Listen to me, if my sister were here, she'd probably clue me in quicker than I could say my own name! cried my mind.

"Do you think I kissed you only because I thought it might have made you feel less troubled?" he questioned, using the sort of tone that really sort of shocked me into thinking and suddenly turned the wheels in my head that made the noise that sounded more than just a bit like 'Ohhhh…!'

Wow, I feel stupid… not.

"So, what, you expect me to believe that? Don't forget about all the girls you've said were 'hot' when we walked by them."

"I'm allowed," he protested. "And they're just hot. Nothing else."

Uh huh, I was thinking, but then again, he's right. I like a few other guys but I like Shugo as well. Damn it, logic sucks ass! I growled at my thinking process and listened to myself speak after deciding my mind and… never mind.

"So, what, I'm not hot? Or am I just too prude or something? Cause if I'm prude, my sister's beyond prude."

"What?" he asked, shaking his head in confusion. "I don't like your sister, never have and never will like her in that way! She's too old for me, too perfect and she may have what would be called a nice body, but I don't think she's beautiful in the way that yoouuaaahh, you know what, just forget it!"

Shugo turned on his heel and began running his hands through his hair frustrated. I overheard his muttering quite easily but didn't pay much to attention to it. He said 'you', meaning me, since he was talking to me and…

Wow, now I actually did feel stupid.

"Drama Divas."

Huh? I turned to see Kara No, a woman who had an avatar that looked nearly identical to Kayane's (my sister) and was a former follower of Shi's before deciding to turn against him and pretend to be faithful while uncovering his most useful secrets to us, standing behind me, head tilted to the side wonderingly.

"Why don't the two of you just, you know, get together? Shouldn't be too hard to go over to his house, assuming you two know each other personally as you've talked about school together before, and just jump him. Things wouldn't be a broken lifeboat in the jagged waters anymore, that's for sure," she remarked in the sarcastically snide tone that I came to recognize as Kara's serious tone after not too long.

"Reality doesn't work like that, Kara. We don't work like that."

Having black hair with a sheen of scarlet red seemed to fit Kara No in my own opinion and the deeply red maroon clothing Kara No wore seemed to provoke the same reaction from me as well. I'm a girl that wears black, black, and, on Wednesdays, even, black, so I liked her clothing. Purple was better though, that was a fact.

At first, I had been frightened by the similarities of Kayane and Kara, but the attributes that frightened me ended at just the similarities. Kara had been doing what she was told and, I had learned just three weeks earlier, if she didn't follow to the dot at the end of the order, something bad by Kara's standards would happen.

It worried me, that Kara No was risking a lot just help them, I wouldn't deny that fact, but it also made me think better of Kara No quite a bit. That there wasn't a minimal reason for following Shi as I had originally thought.

"Sure you do. You're female, he's male, just stand close enough, rub him a bit, and it all just flow from there, trust me."

"But it's just lust, for lack of a better word in my vocabulary. Not love, or like, and fuck, we're only fifteen! I'm a virgin still and I'm proud of it, too!" I scoffed, quite aware that Shugo was probably able to hear us as clear as the gong bell at our school.

Ever since Kara No had been slightly welcomed by the group, Balmung excluded since he was nowhere to be seen, Kara had opened up quite a bit over the course of six weeks. And that meant _quite_ a bit.

Kara No simply shrugged, and I wondered why the blade-master had come in the first place. "My first time was when I was fifteen. It's human nature, Anissa. Nothing's wrong with it; people just want you to use protection and the pill to reduce the possibility of STD and pregnancy. It's one of life's pleasures, you got to be insane to not use it to your advantage, god."

I gawked at Kara No for a couple seconds then shook my head, clearing my mind of the subject. Damn her, she got me actually thinking and _visualizing_ what could happen…! "Whatever!" I growled, "What are you here for, to bug the fucking shit out of me?"

"No, I found something out that I'm pretty damn sure you'd like to hear."

I waited for a suspense filled five second pause before becoming impatient. Kara No was even being cruel and unusual by pretending to tend to her nails, for Aura's sake! "So not funny, Care."

"Everything is a matter of opinion, now, isn't it?"

I stuck her tongue out at the remark, noticing that it sounded exactly like something my sister would say and had said to me before. Kara No wasn't an idiot, but she didn't act as if she were one to come up with phrases that made utter sense that was just mind blowingly frustrating. "Yeah, and my opinion is that you should spill the news to me now or I'll have to get angry."

"Fine, fine, geez, don't get your thong in a tighter bunch than it is, Anissa," Kara No snapped half-heartedly at me, "I found out that Balmung, or whatever the white winged angel's name is, hasn't been inactive in the World as you all first thought. In fact, he's hardly been off, according to information that I've gathered, anyways. He's been avoiding you guys, I'll admit that's a total given, but he's opened all the emails you guys have sent him and saved them on his computer, even. Downloads."

"Thank the fucking World you're a computer hacker, Kara!"

"What can I say, my dad showed me the tricks he learned from being a bad kid when he was my age," she smiled at me in a half-smirk that was another one of her trademarks, I guess.

"So where has he been all this time? Did you find that out?" I was curious as to what, or who even, was occupying his time for two months to where he was able to effectively avoid confrontation with us. Maybe seeing us, me, was too much of a reminder of my sister and what caused her to be in the state of being that she's in for him to handle, maybe, and he needed to find someone else, or something to divert his mind from remembering us…

Knowing Balmung for however much I do, I wouldn't reject that idea at all. He's got reasons that are reasonable enough for other people to oblige to. Just like my sister always does, which leads me to the thought that my sister might have had a reasonable explanation for why she kept all those health complications to herself if they were in her knowledge.

"It didn't show any recurring locations in the World that he went to, but more than a couple of them match up to places where Shi was located at whatever time. I'm not being judgmental or dropping his loyalty to you all and Kayane in an instant, but don't disregard the idea that Balmung may be meeting Shi voluntarily not to fight him…"

"It's Balmung," I said flatly. It explained everything to me. He was Balmung, Balmung of the _Azure Sky_, who had stayed on the right side of the line each time unwaveringly. Why would he have changed and sided with Shi, who had done nothing but worked to hurt me and Kayane?

It just wasn't possible unless in a Twilight zone…

"Anissa," she sighed at me, "You've got accept all the possibilities, take knowledge of the fact that it's Shi, who can, and most likely already has, tie Balmung's feelings to your sister and use them to his advantage to make Balmung think if working with Shi, he can find a way to rejuvenate your sister from her coma. Expect no less of him. It's better to overestimate someone than underestimate someone."

I shook my head, but I knew she was right. Balmung doesn't care about my sister that much, does he?

"It might be because of losing mine and Rena's old friends, too though, Anissa."

It took my mind a second to register the fact that I had spoken out loud and that Shugo had joined us and our conversation. I ran over what he said in my mind and factored that into what he might be feeling with Kayane gone.

I did remember hearing him promise her something just before we logged on after a two week long suspension after fighting with Shi…

"…_I'll relieve your accounts from the suspension, and I won't hesitate to do the same thing again if need be. That means when you're at anytime in any danger or Shi makes even a ghost of an appearance…"_

Knowing he failed to keep that promise probably felt as if someone had taken blades of glass and slowly pressed them against his skin in various places and carved broken promises into his skin.

It's a brutal picture but that's what I thought had happened to my sister when I saw her just after Korosu, one of Shi's followers and a player resembling a vampire with an ax, slammed his ax into her stomach in virtual reality and sort of began her descent into a coma.

I guess Balmung probably would have gotten a newspaper from Hachinohe where my father and sister lived, or even looked on Japan national news, where they callously showed pictures of her lying on the floor.

Japan reporters and photographers are gruesome people and look for the most interesting and horrifying stories they can find that include the most blood. Most especially of 'today's youth', to show off some of the most pretty or handsome people getting what the reporters think they deserve because of their belief that whoever the teenager is, the teenager was popular and known by a bunch of people.

"But… Balmung wouldn't side with Shi -- Shi's too untrustworthy."

Shugo shrugged his shoulders tiredly and gave me a sympathetic look. "But who knows how much he might care for Kayane and how much guilt might cloud his judgment? I would have done the same thing for you, had the event occurred and the opportunity appeared for me. That's why I'm so 'gloomy', as you put it. You could have been in a coma instead, and not her. It just all depends, Anissa."

I sent him a cold look. He was right, and I hated it when he was right. I hated it when anyone right and I wasn't. My heart warmed at the thought that he would have gone to no extent to bring me back out of a coma had I been the one in the coma, but my heart seem to freeze at the same time at the idea that Balmung and Shugo might have been blinded by love and guilt to do something wrong and unacceptable.

Neither of them had the heart to be cold and cruel, did they?

I hope not.

Because when Kayane woke up after however long it took, she wouldn't be happy and she'd be angered by the slight idea that anyone had done wrong by her standards for her. Mostly because my sister strove to distance herself from anyone so that they wouldn't do just what we were talking about. So she wouldn't be blinded to do anything immoral for someone else who'd done something immoral for her.

Shows how well she did in doing _that_.

* * *

Chapter One complete.  
_Please, please_ please, review.  
I worked _really _hard on this.  
Suggestions on who's POV I should write in for the next chapter? (refer to top for list of characters possible)  
Thanks to Sarah/Naunen for helping me with the decision of which POV I should write this in, cookie for you for also knowing who the narrator was in the prologue, as well.  
_Much thanks to you at the computer (or phone) for reading this, too,_  
**-Edge**


	3. Two Imagery

Chapter Title: Imagery

Chapter Rating: R/M - For Cursing/To be safe

Word Count of Story Text: Don't know, don't care, I'll figure it out later, but its shorter than normal.

Note: Chapter Title courtesy of: Buncha different songs by Avenged Sevenfold.

Note 2: Poor writing for a reason explained near the bottom -- I'll assuredly revamp this chapter once I find myself at my grandma's with all my written plans for this chapter and more than 30 minutes time.

Tschau (Ciao).

Disclaimer: I do not own Anissa or Tengaki– they are the property of my sister, and most likely my most faithful reader (she started it all, my friends), Anissa. Praise her for creating the person who probably pushed out this chapter. I also don't own .Hack/Legend or make any profit either.

* * *

I'm grateful that two months passed by. Grateful, but only just slightly grateful, that two months of my life have been spent in peace, have gone by undisturbed. Undoubtedly, if I had not fallen comatose, life would now be chaos; would be something I could not control, could not understand enough to make sane rationalities or sane decisions. 

There is also the side effect that I am no longer under the custody of my father; I'm an adult and I alone make the decisions concerning myself.

Thus, I was able to leave the hospital after three days of observation without any of the staff alerting my father, or any of my family members, that I had awaken. Meaning, I was able to make a quick leave of the hospital without any disturbance or commotion.

It's haunting, however. To know that I became of legal age but had not even been in a conscious state of mind to acknowledge the occurrence. Waiting till the day I turned eighteen; the day I could start my own life without an adult looming over my shoulder to grant or deny their permission whenever they saw fit.

"_Bye, Sissy!"_

Ever since I woke up, I've been experiencing flashbacks, some back further than I can remember, and some not far back at all. Some I can remember them happening, others I can't. Voices are all that I hear in a few remembrances, just moving pictures in others, and both only once so far.

"_Bye, Nissi."_

It hurts to hear one's own voice from years past; to hear it again, after so long and miss something that once was, something that is barely a dream, if that.

"_I love you!"_

And it hurts to hear the voice of someone you care about, a sibling, telling you the same things they do now, only with less words and more feelings. Everything was simple; our minds, our lives, our world, they were all either good or bad -- no in-depth thinking needed to decide which it was.

"…_You, too."_

But, like every other little girl with divorced parents, waving bye to their younger sister, I had my doubts about everything in life.

"I need painkillers…"

Maybe some medicines will cease the consistent retractions into my mind. Concentration on the ground below me is what I need to focus on, not the images and voices in my mind, itching to be remembered, itching to be brought to the surface, where I know they'll wreak their havoc on my conscious.

I know they're the memories I hold in my heart to remind me of my regrets, to remind me of my precious moments that I hope I someday can top; memories at the very top of the pile, bringing themselves to the surface and beyond to uncover memories I forgot, memories I cannot bring up on my own without help.

Perhaps memories that never formed solidly in my mind, perhaps memories where dissociation occurred and my mind never registered a memory consciously, maybe memories created as my mind was focused upon something else.

Walking with my mind straying off to the clouds and passing by something that entered my eyes, but did not see.

The air is cold and stale when I step inside my home, wearing white sweats and a wife beater supplied by the hospital, in my normal shoes. The curtains are drawn, lights are off, all the objects in the room are dust covered; every thing's untouched.

"_Mom, I'm scared -"_

" _- I know."_

" _- But I don't know why."_

"_It's all right, though. Mom's here to hold you."_

"Thank you."

"You're your own --"

Despite my efforts to go my own way unnoticed, I cannot avoid the attention and perception of everyone -- of my father. He knows too much, knows too many people, and knows those people quite well and quite closely. Thus, the reason I'm not surprised to find him sitting on the edge of the couch armrests, crossing his arms in an expectant manner.

Thirteen years was long enough for him to get to know me.

" -- It's about all I can do that you'll allow."

Yeah. "Thanks…" -_Dad?- _"…Dad."

He looked at me -- I looked at him --his eyes wary of his hearing and my voice. Wary of whether he should respond or to let what I'd said go by as if a minor detail to ponder hours upon later. Wary of whether I meant it, or was just trying to make him happy, make him feel as if things were as they were before I had been asleep, more than asleep, for two months.

I meant it. But I meant to make him happy, make things shift back to normal routine, meant that he should both respond and make a note of it then ponder later.

He was out the door before another word was said between the two of us, and I was sure I wouldn't be seeing him for a few days -- a week max.

Walking down the hall to the room that held my belongings, my bedroom, I listened to the sound of my shoes softly connecting with the floor in a soft thud that echoed in the hardwood floors. They remind of the strange realities that I have come to face.

I'm no longer who I thought, who I knew, I was. My mind was able to rest, though not peacefully, and I've entered another stage in my life, where I don't take what other's want into consideration. Where I'm the only one in my life, and selfish needs are that I answer to. Questions I seek answers to but never use information from others to aid my search.

I will not stay neutral to sides, but I will not side with any other than my own blood.

Looking in a mirror, one in my room from Anissa one year, for the first time since I've woken up, I can actually see the way other's see me as. In short, I look anorexic and like I've never uncovered windows, let alone walked outside the doorway into the sun during the day. My eyes, if the hadn't already, looked hollow, confused, and unsteady, and my posture, naturally, looked as if I was straining to stay on my two feet and keep an easy balance.

My face made me seem as if my conscious was slowly slipping away and I near the point of collapsing.

Aside from my eyes being unable to hold itself on one object, the aforementioned was something that wasn't as it seemed. I'm not anorexic, just fresh out of a coma; I've seen the sun and have played many outdoor sports all my life, I just do not tan so much as burn; I am perfectly able to stand still on my two feet and perfectly able to walk without risk of my weight pulling me to the ground and breaking a bone.

I am not confused, just lacking knowledge I want, knowledge I need, that is buried in my mind somewhere, underneath seven years worth of memories, maybe eight or nine years worth of memories that I have to sort through. One by one, through the most remembered ones down to the ones received on the side or ones repressed for reasons I don't know.

Underneath it all, underneath all this talking, and traveling from one subject to another, I've been trying to tell myself I'm not scared. Not afraid.

Trying to tell myself that this… ordeal… has not shaken me as much as it physically seems. I'm not in shock, though not even the stubborn, proud side of my mind doesn't seem to be objecting that idea, and I'm not unbearably cautious, as I have tended to become in the past.

I've got a sister to protect.

A past to remember.

And an asshole to kill. I can't be afraid, cautious,defeated.

Shrugging for some odd, instinctive reason, I heft my large backpack over my shoulder, full of clothing, my cell phone, a case of CDs, and all the money I have in my possession. Wondering upon whether I should phone Anissa, telling her the least bit of information that I am awake, I pause in heading towards the door out of my room.

Half of me doesn't want to leave. Half of me wants to leave the house, never look back, and shed all the memories created in that house that I can't seem to remember, despite how much my mind seems to be subconsciously fighting to bring them to surface.

And, in the smallest part of my mind, a part of me wants to drop all my bags, and just go straight to someone and confide in them. Someone, I don't know who. Taryn, the girl I've known since I was a year old, or Anissa, my little sister who I love the most in my life, Rena, one I consider a best friend, Shugo, who's as loyal as the next door neighbor's dog, Shuyin, who has the same personality as I do and conflicts with me upon every meeting because of the similarity, or Balmung, who probably is the closest person I have to a mutual relationship romance-wise.

I don't know who, I don't know when, and I don't know why, but that small suggestion brings doubt, distrust, hesitation.

Leave. Stay. Confide.

Staying is out of the question, I'm not going to spend another day of my time where I went comatose. Leaving, many things would be easier on my life, but taking the easy way isn't the best way.

Who to confide in? Taryn, Anissa, Shugo, Rena, Shuyin, Balmung? My mother, or father?

Rena, knowing her, would relay every word I say to Anissa, same for Shugo and Shuyin. My parents – they'll delve too deeply, and skim the surface at the wrong times.

Taryn won't understand, and the emotional intensity will overload Anissa into a breakdown.

Turning to the computer, which had obviously been replaced, as the monitor and tower were both brand new, the black still sleek and rich looking, I could tell that the damage had been great. Not to the equipment, but to Anissa and my father -- I was the one who used the computer the most, even aside from On-line role playing, using it to contact people I had gone to school with before graduating at age sixteen, reading amusing stories, researching information of interest to me, and keeping up to date on the world, not just local or national news.

I know now that the computer was the only way I knew how to contact Balmung. Whether to achieve his address, his home number, or anything as that, I was going to eventually turn to the computer in my search.

Sitting down, ignoring the stains on the carpet, the chair, and the desk, I turned it on, watched the new machine load up quicker than the last one had, and saw everything I had on my old computer replaced onto the new one.

It was unnerving, knowing someone had gone through the files on my computer and transferred those files to another. I had nothing to be embarrassed about although there is a side of me I would have preferred to have been well left alone. The unmentioned truth that I was deeply involved with finding out my lost memories. My memories, long ago, from when I was a child.

With my hand hovering over the mouse for a split second, I let my eyesight linger on the icon for The World. I'm not inhuman -- my mind functions much like that of a teenager/adult the same age I happen to be. Meaning, I'm not unaffected enough to where I'm ready to go back to playing the World without a fear, without my nerves going into hyper drive mode.

Within seconds, I was logging into the World, noting the 'new!' next to the board link just before. Mac Anu, an old and early town where I started out when I first began to play. Four years ago.

"Whoa, holy swee -- look at her!"

A young player, only level 12 and a wave master, stopped in his path, on the steps before the Chaos Gate. With intricate red patterns on the clothing of his green pants, he bore a white vest, and a black undershirt, in a quite tacky looking player avatar.

"She's got red wings and black eyes and- she looks like a furie!" (1)

Switching to third person, I found he was right, and before I could take my leave, he was running off to tell the 'news' to others. I had wings and black eyes, as the boy said, along with patterns along my skin in black ink. My clothes, torn, seemed to have a different look to them. My hands, still the same for the most part, were adorned with longer nails - bearing an acute resemblance to claws.

I looked quite the undead.

Deciding that my appearance was to be dealt with once I found contact with Shi, I sent out an invitation to Balmung to join my party and received an immediate response.

"You're awake."

And looking for answers.

**Shugo**

Giving someone the cold shoulder. It's a highly effective way of ignoring someone, showing someone you're pissed, and pissing them off.

How do I know and where did the subject come up?

It has a little something to do with Anissa.

Anissa giving me the cold shoulder.

Anissa ignoring me.

Anissa sending me the famous Nagoya glare that I, unfortunately, have become acquainted with in the past few days, and me getting slightly angry that she doesn't just tell me what the fuck is up.

Honestly -- Three days, uncountable cold shoulders, glares, and curses, and one hour of me being officially pissed.

Someone get her a glacier to freeze the lava beams she's shooting at me through her eyes.

I said something wrong, I know that. I just don't know _what_ I said.

"Anissa," I try, for the hundredth time, "Why the fuck are you ma--"

"Now I'm mad because you're oblivious to what some of the things you say or do to me."

"Anissa!"

"Can't you guys just stop -"

"Stay out of it!"

"Hey, don't yell at Rena!"

"You don't yell at Rena!"

"I'm her best friend!"

"I'm her fucking sister!"

"She trusts me better than you!"

"How the fuck would you know!"

"Shut the fuck up."

My mouth clamped shut; did I just hear what I thought I heard? It sounded exactly like Kayane, bitter, commanding, and superior as ever.

Both Anissa and I looked up in the tree ten feet away from up, spotting the dark clothed figure among the branches. It wasn't Kayane – It was Kara, once more proving to be more and more like Kayane than I can bear; than Anissa can tolerate without dipping into a momentary stint of deep mourning.

"You know the news about Balmung from a few days ago?" she asked us, sounding ever the pessimist, suddenly, compared to the 'Up-yours-if-you-don't-like-me-or-what-I-say' attitude and tone she usually glides into conversations with.

Anissa narrowed her eyes darkly at the seemingly twin of her sister, then nodded her head so sharply, it was hardly enough to notice any movement. Our fight momentarily forgotten, Anissa sent me a confused, wary, and worried glance from the corner of her eyes.

Both of us had the instinct that no matter what, we wouldn't like what we heard for some reason we've yet to find out.

"Well… She's awake. Your sister, I mean. She woke from her coma six days ago and went home three days ago."

My eyes bugged. I didn't love Kayane in that way, but, hell, hearing she was awake, and actually able to leave the hospital-- it was straight up good news.

"There's a down side to this, isn't there? I can tell; something this good always has to have something to balance it out," Anissa murmured, excitement laced in her voice despite the dreading emotion exuding off of her in waves.

"We have no clue where she is. Absolutely no one knows where she is."

Oh, then fuck, just say she's missing, god damn it, you don't even have to sugar coat it with the fact that she's up and at it again. It only makes it worse, for Aura's sake.

"Well… that's… not so bad, now… is --" Geez, I can't even begin to be optimistic.

"What the fuck?" Anissa snarled at Kara. It looked like the whites of her eyes were getting whiter and whiter and starting to glow. "How the fuck do you not know where she is? She can't just disappear after waking from a fucking _coma_! Are you really on our fucking side or are you just playi--"

"You really have issues with being quiet, don't you?"

Tengaki, having been on our side since the day Kayane and Anissa fought Korosu, fit it quickly. Rena, already accustomed to his noble, yet slightly dumb, behavior and personality, found his presence to be somewhat comforting. He's my best friend, so it was all the same to me, and Anissa - it was quite the annoyance, in her obvious opinion.

"I'm excused due to the fucking circumstances, you asshole! Don't tell me what the fuck to do!"

But she accepted him and that was all that mattered.

Tengaki reached to silence Anissa once again and the talking ceased as they proceeded to chase after one another angrily.

Taking advantage of the silence, I spoke. "Where was she last?"

Kara, bearing a highly unamused expression on her face due to Tengaki and Anissa's bickering, turned to me with resentful eyes. "At Beta -- Bursting-Water-Dragon's Fang, for about an half hour with another player before she logged off and left her house. She went to some restaurant, and stayed there with the same player for about an hour, then that was it. We lost track of them both after they left."

Anissa froze and became wide-eyed while Tengaki remained oblivious to everything that Kara No just said.

"Wait," Rena started, "Just who was she with?"

"Balmung."

"What?" Anissa shoved Tengaki away from her, shoved past me, and came to a stop just before Kara. "You mean to tell me that the two of them met? Why? When! What day!"

"This is getting nowhere…" Kara grumbled, pressing her fingertips to her forehead in a stressed motion. "She met with him the day she went home -- Three days ago."

Three days ago -- three days without knowing where Kayane was -- six days without telling us that she was awake and three days without telling us she was home.

There was a half a minute silence before Anissa muttered the word, "Bitch,"in Kara No's direction then logged off.

So much for Kayane saving our asses after waking up and so much for Anissa being the happiest blonde alive. Those hopes are indefinitely _screwed_.

"She really needs anger management! She's going crazy!" Tengaki sighed. I wasn't the most tolerable, as Kayane was, but I most assuredly wasn't the one with the least amount of patience among every one I knew, either.

"Hey!" Kara No snapped. "Look – she's fifteen, now sixteen, and her sister, her idol, was put into a coma for two months. How the fuck do you think she feels? And to add on to the fuckin' weight, her sister wakes up and Anissa doesn't even know till almost a week after! Kayane didn't call her, which Anissa was expecting, because her sister has always been protective and considerate of Anissa. From what little I've seen and heard, anyways. Shape up, you asshole, 'cause you've got a lot to learn about losing a sibling, if you want to get through this dilemma, though I'd prefer to call it crisis, with Shi. There's going to be a lot of casualties, no matter how soon you stop him, and there are more kids out there with a sibling than only children. You're handling a lot of people's lives in your hands, as well as the rest of your little gang, and you control whether or not some die and some don't."

Within an instant of finishing her sentence, Kara No disappeared and I had a feeling that was the last any of us were going to see of her for a short while. Meaning, there goes our link to Shi for a little while… our link to Balmung…

And our hopes.

* * *

(1)furie - a mythical creature I believe is derived from greek mythology - I know them from an episode of Charmed, where Piper is overwrought with Prue's death and blah blah, and so becomes one. They've got ripped up clothes, tattoos on their body (like designs, not anything like crosses, dragons, etc.), and in here, total black eyes and elongated eye teeth, lol. 

Here is the reason why the quality of writing diminished near the ends of the POVs and much of my plans for this chapter were pretty much left out in their entirety:

I had to finish this chapter by illegally putting it (the original chapter file on my computer) on my local library computer and uploading it to as a document. It really sucks, so please, if you see any mistakes, point them out specifically - as in what paragraph (by number, not by describing the paragraphs content) - what line, then what word, and what you find is a mistake.

If you're not very happy with grammar, punctuation, etc., do something about it by telling me shit!

Fuck, _that isn't too hard is it?_

-Iphimedeia.


	4. Three Blurry

**MERRY CHRISTMAS ANISSA!!**

**Merry Christmas**

**Happy Holidays!**

♥

Chapter Title: Blurry

Chapter Rating:M

Word Count of Story Text: 3172

Note: Chapter Title courtesy of: Blurry by Puddle of Mudd i love that song and them..

Note 2: Revamping MEO for those waiting for an update and not bothering to check my page or even the summary of MEO.

Note 3: Wrote a majority of this chapter Christmas Eve, and very early Christmas morning – I admit, I'm not the brightest girl when I'm exhausted.

Note 4: Short chapter, I know. Bear with the many mistakes in it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Anissa or Tengaki– they are the property of my sister, and most likely my most faithful reader (she started it all, my friends), Anissa. Praise her for creating the person who probably pushed out this chapter. I also don't own .Hack/Legend or make any profit either.

* * *

**Anissa**

Sometimes, I hate how impulsive I am. How I do things without taking everything in and thinking all the way through. I always seem to miss the important stuff – like just yesterday, when I got more than just a little riled up about the fact that no one had found it in them to tell me the simple little fact that my sister was awake.

Not even my own father told me and me not seeing him – that's no excuse. He could have called me or something – I don't care if he wanted to say it to me in person. I just wanted to know, as soon as possible. That was my only wish. And what happens to that little wish? It's not even granted. After two fucking months, that wish wasn't even granted.

Sure, I got my biggest hope come true – the one where I desperately wanted her to wake up, but it makes it all the less great when you find out six days later. I'm her immediate family, I'm the one that was affected the most by her comatose state. So what if she was mom and dad's daughter? I'm her sister and I'm the one that looked up to her in life.

Mom hated her, and for all I knew, dad never saw her. Dad probably cared more then everyone else except I did, though. He even visited the hospital at least once every week, and my dad _hated_ and had a fear of hospitals, just like me and Alyssa did.

None of us liked hospitals, but me and my dad – we didn't care because we loved her too much to let that stop us seven out of seven days.

And what do I get for being devoted to my sister? For worrying and missing her so much?

Nothing. Not even a fucking 'Hey, I'm awake'.

How fucking _great _is that?

It's been so long that I've seen my sister's face – smiling and looking around and taking everything in faster than most. I've waited for two months, aching and burning from guilt on the inside, to see her standing and walking around with better poise than most.

But no. Kara, some girl I've known for maybe only 3 months, now, knew before I did. Kara No, the fucking bitch who looks like my sister, finds out about my sister waking up before I do. How fucked up is that – how the fuck can people tell me to calm down, and not freak out about that? I'm her goddamn sister, and some fucking bitch that I hardly know – that anyone hardly knows – finds out about my fucking sister before me!

I'm entitled to fucking screaming and destroying things rights.

Whoever disagrees will get a fucking flag pole shoved up their ass and out their mother fucking nose by me.

What makes the situation right now even worse that it already is, though, is the fact that no one knows where she is. That scares me. My own sister, who just woke up from a fucking coma and didn't care to tell me, is fucking _missing._ She could of driven somewhere and started walking around and then been easily snatched up by some guy on the streets.

All this.. it's making me want to cry. It's really fucking with my head, and really screwing up my heart. I mean, I thought Alyssa trusted me, that she cared and knew me well enough to call me.

But, right now, sitting on my bed as lightning and thunder roll loudly outside...

I'm not so sure, anymore. And I used to be sure about everything when it came to Alyssa knowing and remembering and caring... _about me. _About how I felt, what I needed, where I was, if I was safe...

Everything has changed.

The thunder rolled once more, followed by a violent crash of lightning. I hated thunderstorms – this was the first one since before Alyssa went comatose. It had been going for an hour already, and I haven't moved since. I hated thunderstorms – they scare me so bad. Its as if the world is ending, right before our eyes and ears – shaking the earth with its strong sounds and waves of power.

Why weren't as many people scared of it like I was? My sister, who was afraid of small places to the point of mental paralysis, wasn't scared of loud thunder and the shaking earth and the fast lightning. Alyssa comforted me when there were thunderstorms.

There was one final boom of thunder then everything was silent for about five minutes. I knew better than to expect the storm to be over – it was never over until the clouds went away, not just the rain. My covers were wrapped tight around me and I'd turned everything except my flashlight off. If I didn't know whether the power went out or not, the better I would be.

My cell phone rang beside me with a ring tone of 'Every Heart'. It took me a split second to realize it and jump before I reached to answer it. I knew who it was already – I only assigned the ring tone 'every heart' to one person.

Shugo.

I was still pissed at him. After however long it had been, I was still pissed at him, but I forgot why. But I decided to humor him – I wonder what he had to say.

"What?"

My voice was sour, like I wanted it to be, but it cracked. I didn't want him to know I was scared. Shugo knew about my fear of thunderstorms – how sometimes they drove me to the point of crying and shaking.

"Look outside."

What the fuck? Was he trying to pull some shit on me, and scare me to death? I wasn't a fuckin idiot.

"Do you think I'm fucking stupid or something? I'm not going to look outside – I know there is a goddamned mother fucking thunderstorm outside!"

I heard him make a sound that was a cross between a sigh and a groan, then his voice came through again. "Look, just... trust me. Look outside, all right? I promise, if I'm playing some stupid prank on you, you can beat the shit out of me and do whatever the hell you want with me. Ok? Just... look outside."

Half of me wanted to just ignore him because I was so angry at him for some reason. The other half wanted to listen and trust him because I love him so much. It's sappy, but I'd trust his word over almost anything or anyone else's word.

Pulling the phone away from my ear, I looked at the glow of the screen. His name was highlighted and bold. Pressing end, I decided to listen to him. It took me a minute to actually start trying to escape the bundle of covers and by the time I had gotten to the window, it had started raining again.

My hands were shaking as I lifted the window, and I could swear that my body was having a spasm. Why? Why did he have to do this to me?

_I thought he loved me?_

Why was he so bummed out, when my sister went comatose? _Why?_

I looked out the window and saw only rain and lightning in the distance. What the hell was he doing?

"Anissa!"

If I hadn't been trying to ignore the thunder, I wouldn't have heard his voice through it all.

"You want to know why -" he started. His voice sounded breathless and strained, as if he'd ran the whole way from his house to mine, and was yelling at the top of his lungs. "-I reacted so badly to what happened to your sister?"

So he did know why I was angry at him – why I felt different towards him, all of a sudden.

"That could – no, that _would_ have been you in the coma, or maybe even dead. If your sister hadn't placed herself in the way of the ax, I would have lost you. I owe her my life."

He looked up at me, and I couldn't tell if there were tears coming down his face, or if it was just the rain. Shugo wasn't just... sweet talking me, was he? No.. He couldn't be. Shugo's not like that... he's not like that at all.

"I love _you._ Not your sister."

All the rain and all the thunder and all the lightning were lost in my mind, as I looked at Shugo and fell in love with him...

_All over again._

**Kayane**

"_You're awake."_

"_I have questions and I want you to answer them." She didn't want to waste time – didn't want to beat around the bush with casual conversation. If she didn't have her questions, her thoughts, answered soon, Kayane didn't know how much longer she'd be able to stand being conscious. She didn't know how much longer she could take her thoughts wandering without warning._

"_What's going on?"_

_She couldn't concentrate – her eyes wouldn't stay steady and she could hear her heartbeat in her ears and feel it in the back of her head. Why was she feeling like this, all of a sudden? Where had all these suddenly come from? What was causing her mind to whirl and feel as if she was about to pass out..?_

"_Why can't my mind focus on anything or stay still?"_

_Focusing her eyes on him as best as she could, she noticed his brow furrow then his eyes rake over the length of her body. Part of her lost respect for him as he did so, but then the words she said replayed in her mind. There was something different about him, but she'd be damned if she knew what it is. Fuck, she couldn't even focus her eyes very well, let alone be perceptive enough for the subtle changes._

_His hands reached out – one grasping her hip and the other grasping the side of her arm – she could have sworn that for the split second her eyes focused on his, there was something dark in his eyes._

"_I think we should log off, and go meet in person... I think you're having an attack from being on the game again, after what happened.."_

_She should have thought of that.. at least, remembered it after thinking the same thing just before she logged back on. "It would be best.." Where would they meet? When?_

"_Meet me at the Kaligana Mall, then we'll head to a restaurant I know."_

_Removing her headset, she logged off without responding to him, and pushed the chair back as far as she could. For the first time in awhile that she could remember, she was shaking and there was a tear sliding down her cheek. The last time she cried was.. _

"_Eight years ago.."_

It took me nearly half an hour to gather the strength to merely look away from the black creation, and my face reflecting off of it, and just stand. It was an hour before the directions to the mall came back to my mind, and I began to wonder if Balmung was waiting for me already, or still on his way.

Part of me didn't really care. But then the part of me that was nearly driving my mind crazy with questions just needed to ask him them, regardless of what it took.

And then.. there was the part of me that just wanted to see him – his face. The part of me that was curious as to what he looked and sounded like in person – not over webcam or The World – curious as to what his skin felt like, to how being in his presence felt..

I admit, part of me came to trust Balmung – came to trust him in a way that was different than my trust with Anissa, and Rena, was. It was almost like my trust with Taryn – who I haven't seen for longer than anyone else, but who I knew even longer than Anissa – who made me feel like there were no questions asked, regardless of the situation.

Resting my hand on the doorknob to the front door of the house, I let my hand linger on the cool brass and looked at it. My fingers were long and thin – mostly just skin and bone and nothing else – and quite ashy at the knuckles. Gripping tightly, I spared the room a final look – to give me a reason to return home – and opened the door in a swift motion.

I swore to myself as the door closed behind me; no matter what, I had to return to this place... had to return to my home, as if my life depended on it.

Twisting the key in my hand, I started the car and sat. It smelled old, and the air was stale. On the dashboard, there was an unopened candy bar Anissa had left the last time we were both in the car – and in the passenger's seat was a library book that was positively far overdue.

There was dust on the steering wheel and just above the radio dial was a post-it note reminder from over 3 months before.

But what seemed to bring surprise and bring up feelings in my chest most of all, was the still unopened box that I had received in the mail, so long a time ago. I'd had the box for maybe a month, before I went comatose, and it was still left unopened. For some odd reason, I had never found the motivation to open the delivery, and whenever I did find the inspiration to, my gut told me that it wasn't the right moment.

But now, I don't feel like having another question on my mind – weighting my thoughts among the countless others already there. Reaching my hand out, noticing how thin my arms look only for a brief moment, I picked up the package and set in on my lap.

There was a slight bit of kidlike excitement in me that I hadn't felt in a long time as I pulled the tape off. Unlike I did for most of the other presents I'd gotten in the last five or so years of my life, I had not one clue what this one was.

Opening the flaps, I laid eyes on a rose, wrapped tightly in plastic. My mind went blank, and I had absolutely no idea as to what it could mean. A rose...?

Scanning the rest of the box insides, there was nothing else – not even a note of explanation. To say the least, I was confused. Setting the rose back inside the box and then placing the box back onto the passenger seat, I wrapped my fingers around the steering wheel and pulled out onto the street.

Life was so strange, now.

The answers probably were worth less than the questions asked, and I honestly hated that to no end. I absolutely hated not knowing – I dare say it was even one of my fears, along with being strapped and restricted slight movement and needles, as well.

Needles had always been my biggest fear of all, though.. Always had, and always would be.

Forcing my mind to banish the thought, I turned into the mall parking lot then looked at the time. When she'd logged off The World, it had been about noon, and it was almost four in the evening.

Most likely, Balmung was waiting for me already, and strangely, my heart sped up the slightest bit at the thought. I was getting more and more confused – when had I started reacting to things – to thoughts – like this? My heart never changed its pace for anyone, so why was it doing so when I thought of Balmung? I have liked other people more than I liked Balmung right then, even loved a couple of them, but my heart beat never raced or skipped a beat over them.

Why was Balmung any different..?

I felt like I was forgetting something – something that explained why my emotions were changing on me constantly. Something – some memory that I was supposed to remember, but I couldn't because my mind was so blurry. So unfocused and unsure. In my head, I could hear whispers, but the words were lost to me. Deep inside of me, I knew what they were just like I had the memories of long ago – they were just faint, buried underneath pain, and joy, and tears, and laughter.

It was going to take awhile for them dig their way to the surface, and knowing that made my heart feel heavy; disappointed. Waiting was something I was not patient enough to do any longer – haven't I waited long enough?

Yet, despite my thoughts towards waiting, I sat in my seat after parking and let the motor run smoothly. I listened to the hum and the otherwise silence for nearly ten minutes. It was soothing – to hear a sound that was calm, and steady – unlike how I was currently feeling. It was also calming down – thought very slightly.

But I'd waited enough. I'd dilly dallied for nearly two hours and I wasn't going to wait anymore.

I killed the engine and wrapped my fingers around the door handle. Pulling, I opened the door and then shut, before walking towards the mall with the wind blowing fiercely. From the smell of it, there was a storm coming within the next few days.

"_Dearest, are you done so soon?"_

I still don't remember. Its not coming back to me. The memories are still lost – his voice is still unknown..

"You look like shit."

While racking my brain for some memory, some clue, to help understand why my mind is twisting dangerously on me, I'd walk through the doors and nearly half the mall. Blinking, more to clear my eyes than out of surprise, I turned my gaze on him. His eyes were running up and down my body, just like he had in the game. Only this time, I thought nothing of it, and I found my eyes doing the same.

When had I become like this – looking at people's bodies and judging them?

"I know that."

My hair was brushed, I had the little make up on that I preferred, and I was wearing a fresh change of clothes. My clothes – they were loose on me where they were tight, or fit, in the past. I was getting upset with how much my body had changed in the two months. The hospital was supposed to be taking care of me while I was their patient – not let me whither away and get weaker and weaker by the day.

His hand came out and his finger tips brushed the back of my wrist lightly. It was as if he was asking permission to take his hand in mine and wisp away with me. Against my skin, his fingers felt cold, and I knew what that meant.

I had to get away.

* * *

The time phases will catch up soon, I promise.

Right now (in this chapter) , Kayane's POV is 3 days behind Anissa's and everyone else's, but the next chapter her POV is in, she'll be up to date.

There were a lot of things that I had left out of Sakura Blossoms – both intentionally and unintentionally. The present that someone anonymously sent Alyssa was one of those intentional things, and you'll see why later on.


End file.
